How's it going, you guys.
I'm new here- but I have been dating a disfellowshippeder for aout 3.5 years now. So I am familiar with this dynamic. He's a wonderful man.
Okay- So this story really scares me for two reasons-
1- It sounds like Georgia, here, is having trouble finding a GOAL for an outcome of this situation. I think you should get clear on what you DO want instead of what you know you DON'T want....
2- I shudder to think that my future will be like this with my mother-in-law, in my case, it will most likely be the father-in-law.
Georgia- I don't want to put words in your mouth, so if I were you, I would want to create a loving environment with your mother in law. You can't change HER mind, but you can change YOUR attitude towards her. She wants to love her grandchildren - she's just having trouble showing her love to them in a way that YOU approve of. Whether or not it is because she is stubborn- that's her deal. Why don't you stop threatening her? That only causes her to get defensive. Saying something like "I want you to have a strong and loving relationship with MY children, but that just can't happen if you are not respectful of my child reering decisions. You really need to work on your relationship with her first- then your kids will come. It has to be hard on you to be going through this because it is stressful. It's not going to get any better until you own your power and create this love with her. Maybe create a compromise- what would make you BOTH happy?. Make a list of words that you don't want her to say around your kids- like 5- if she can't agree to them, ask her why. Talk with her.
OH- also- sounds like your husband is having trouble standing up to his mom- INFRONT OF YOU. Sounds to me like he's telling her one thing when youre not around, and telling you another.
-Lauren